The Waiting Game

After Dan’s diagnosis, our days were full of friends, family, and worry.  The stresses of every day became laughable.  It was hard to remember what cancer-free life was like.  I don’t remember much about the 6 days between diagnosis and surgery.  There was a lot of sitting, waiting, and praying. 

It took us a full two days come to terms with things before we put our game face on to fight. I was able to take 2 weeks off from work without having to use any vacation which was very helpful. I’m not sure I would’ve been useful during that time anyways. We were even able to postpone our vacation to Pigeon Forge until Dan had recovered. They are going to let us reschedule for any time in the next year.

We also ate a lot. With not knowing when Dan could eat regular food again after his surgery we ate all of his favorite foods. By Sunday, I was tired of pizza and Mexican.

We had such an outpouring of support from everywhere. Every e-mail, text, facebook comment, and phone call brought a new smile to his face. We both were completely surprised by how quickly word spread. It was such a shock to hear the news, and each time I told someone, it became more real. Dan started calling himself a cancer patient, which at first made me really angry. How can you be a cancer patient when we weren’t doing anything to treat it yet? After I came to terms with the fact that he will always be a cancer patient, I started looking forward to being able to call him a cancer survivor. He’s still the sexiest cancer patient I have ever seen.

Night time was the worst. How can you sleep when you know something is slowly killing your husband from the inside out, and there is nothing you can do can stop it? How do you look at your husband and hope this isn’t the last week you get to see him look/act healthy? Every smile, laugh, and good time was cherished. We hugged and snuggled a lot not knowing how long he’d be in the hospital. We talked about the good and bad times we’ve had and daydreamed of the good things to come. It was so hard not to play the "What if" game once the distractions were gone.

I decided to have people over Saturday for a cook out. Dan was a little hesitant to the idea at first, but once he saw it was more a Goodbye Tumor party, rather than a big pity party, he had a great time.

My mom and sister came up early Saturday morning to help me clean the house. With your mind preoccupied with cancer, the simplest tasks become very difficult. How do you grocery shop when you don’t know how long you’ll be in the hospital, or how long until Dan can eat regular food? How can you care about dusting when you don’t know the next time you can take a family walk? Mom also stocked my fridge and pantry with comfort foods. Unfortunately, they couldn’t stay that evening, but they left me with a sparkling clean house, and fresh baked bread. Yum. My house smelled fantastic. Soo many people came over to see Dan. It was such a great night. Seeing so many other people optimistic of Dan’s recovery really helped us through the weekend.